This exact self portrait and a social media post to go with it was first published
in January 2016 on my personal (very private and discreet) page.
It had a chance to be republished one year after the original date as I repeated the described below "trick".
And it came to be one of the most authentic acts of service to others I ever done.
A soothing support for my friends' troubled hearts while making courageous decisions around their unhealthy personal relationships.
May 2019, I making this item public.
I don't need a ring around my finger to make me feel complete. Celebrating one year of marching on my own!
Spending a year alone was the most freeing and liberating thing I ever done (not impressed? whatever! I've punched my previous personal "4-weeks-single" record smashing 13 times!)
I took time to understand myself in a deep way that you can only achieve when you’re single, invested in the relationship I have with myself. There is a confidence that comes from knowing exactly who you are. Fuck I missed myself!
To get there you need to go through "properly-alone" - no dates, no flings (yep, turn the lot down), no one night stands - only if you must (which is, come on, hardly ever?...ok, sometimes).
You need to sit in your own puddle of misery with no one to entertain you, no one to plug into for a "feel-good" dose in forms of pats on a shoulder and compliments, only yourself.
Stay face-to-face with your inner-jerk and shit she has to say (very little of it is true tho but you don't know it yet at that time). And she will say, you can count on her!
Listen without evaluating any of her "statements" is to exhaust limits of possible. Some days it's impossible and you believe it all - doubts, unreasonable critics, frames what you supposed to be and do, expectations, and the biggest of them all - that you are not enough.
It's the point when most of single folks will try to run away and look for someone to "fix" the nagging inside.And hell I wanted too! But still stayed (squeezing a glass of whiskey in one hand and a cigarette in another, hey as long as I stayed!).
Cut through the bullshit who I'm not and find who I am is so damn exciting (and I'm not quite done yet)! Even more exciting is to know that I have me and it is so enough. Now I'm aware that idea I madly craved forever to have connection not codependency with anyone only imaginable when you truly believe that you for you is enough other way all you gonna do is cling to people to fill the void.
By spending a year alone I fell back in love with myself. I took myself on the best dates ever, let myself crumble completely, accepted every dark extremity of me (some of them are plain effing fun), danced my butt off alone, polished off numerous bottles of Vodka with no one but just me, learned how to mow my lawns and fixed random jobs around the house...zip up my back zip somehow still is a goddamn struggle and work in progress.
P.S. Question statues quo that women are weak (or at least weaker) and challenge social norm that they need men to get by is another fascinating story.